Random Thoughts

I'm not sure if I ovulated this cycle because I was battling a virus at that time.  Kind of thinking I didn't.  Oh well, not that our chances were very good anyway.

Next Tuesday, my husband goes in for his 2nd S/A since his varicoceles repair.  I haven't thought about it too much to be frank.  Just trying to keep myself occupied otherwise, I guess.  I don't want to have to deal with the worry.  Don't want to have to worry about our next steps.

I am breaking out like crazy.  It's pretty annoying.  My face thinks I am still a teenager. :(

I had a clarity moment tonight where I just told God in my heart that I would trust his timing.  I feel like I can do that at least for today.  I don't what I'll feel like tomorrow, but I think I can at least manage that today.  And it's all about one day at a time, isn't it?

P.S. I finished Season 6 of 24.  I'm pretty burnt out on that show right now.  Going to take a break!

Did I Miss It??

Ovulation time always makes me a little neurotic under normal circumstances.

I'm doing some combination of OPK's, checking my BBT, feeling up my boobs (the nipples get sore around ovulation), checking CM.  All while trying to remain very casual because -- you know -- I'll get pregnant the moment I just relax.


I went to the doctor today because I've had some bug that I just can't shake.  My doctor thinks it's viral, and that I just need some R&R.  So that means I have no idea what that will do to my ovulation timetable. And this is making me a little crazy because my husband is leaving for a business trip this coming Sunday, and I don't want to miss our window this month!  Then again, what if I already ovulated and I just don't know it because of this stupid bug?!

Seriously, I need some help calming down the crazy bubbling up inside.  I just try to remind myself that it hasn't been working for months.  If I miss another month, what's the difference?

What do you do to stay calm while you're waiting to ovulate?

Waiting Around

I am supposed to be ovulating in the next day or two, but it looks like I'll be delayed this cycle.  I've become a pro at monitoring CM, so I'm pretty good at figuring out when I'll be ovulating.  I hope this doesn't turn into one of those 38, 39 day cycles.  Those are the worst because I don't end up ovulating until day 24 or 25.

Ugh.

Whenever I get stressed, that's what happens.  I ovulate super late.  The only thing I have to be stressed about this month is my husband's upcoming 6-month checkup post his varicocelectomy.  And although I don't think I'm stressed out about it, I may subconsciously be.

Oh, and I have been sick lately.  Caught a minor head cold.  I've been on the mend, but I've been coughing like crazy.  Doesn't being sick delay your ovulation?

Wish I Had More to Write About

...but I don't.

Ovulation time is right around the corner, and I couldn't be less enthused.  I'm not being dramatically pessimistic.  I'm just over it.  Getting my hopes up, waiting and waiting, and then being disappointed.  Don't have the energy for it.  Don't have the capacity or the patience for the roller coaster.

Plus, kind of upset that I've been breaking out a lot around my jawline.  That's usually a hormone driven thing, but I am entering my ovulation period, and that usually means my skin starts clearing up.  Don't know what's happening, and that could explain why I'm a bit bummed out right now.

As Lauren from the RHONJ said, "when you don't look good, you don't feel good."  Spot on, sister.

Speaking of TV, I've been unable to keep up.  I've got 90210 (LOVE), the Vampire Diaries and Glee airing now, all of which I've started falling behind on.  Plus, the last season of Brothers & Sisters and three more seasons of 24 available on Netflix instant streaming.  Season 5 of Dexter and Season 3 of Sons of Anarchy await me on Netflix disks.  Dying to get into Breaking Bad which was just added to Netflix instant streaming.  Free episodes of Real Housewives of, well, everywhere on Hulu.

And this, from a girl who does NOT have cable TV anymore to supposedly cut down on wasting time so that I can write my great American novel.

Help!  I'm getting sucked into a syndicated vortex!

You gotta tell me what shows you're addicted to, especially any of the ones above on my list. :)

P.S. You notice that of my list above, 90210, Glee, and Brothers & Sisters have all dealt with infertility?  Hot topic!

Accomplishments

Ran a 5k today.  My first official race ever.  It was great.  I felt like I was going to barf at the end, but it felt good to finish something.  I did it under 31 minutes too, which isn't so bad.

The Chinese herbs I drank yesterday seemed to have made my flow stronger than usual.  Not sure if I'm just imagining it.  Maybe it's cleaning out my old uterine lining really, really well.  You know, cleaning the slate, out with the old, in with the new, that kind of thing.  I don't know if that helps with fertility, but I'll just believe that it does. :)

She is Here

AF, that is.  Oh well.  Not a surprise.

On a happier note, it's our 6th wedding anniversary.  I can't believe we've been together this long!

It's getting to the point where I don't want to advertise how long we've been married.  Because then people inevitably wonder, even if they're not asking us out loud, why don't you have any kids??

Can't win with infertility, can you?  Happy doesn't seem happy anymore.  Not the way it used to.

Still, I'm going to try today.  DH went with me today to pick out my gift, some perfume.  (Nothing like a beauty purchase to cheer oneself up!)  Now we're going to dinner at a fancy schmancy restaurant I've been wanting to try for a while.

Happy anniversary to my wonderful husband who is the best part of every day. <3

Temps Dropping

I'm expecting my period tomorrow.  My temps started dropping this morning, so I'm not holding out any hope.

My mom mailed me some packets of Chinese medicine.  I don't even know what's really in it, but it's supposed to be for general regulation of your cycle, and to boost your overall female health.  She said that within 3 cycles I should expect to be pregnant...that is, if my husband's sperm was normal.  Ha.  Oh well.

Next month, DH goes for his 6 month S/A since his varicocelectomy.  Trying not to fret too much about it.

In other news, I am addicted to 24 the TV show.  Discovered the show just about 10 years too late...but better later than never.  I've been watching it on my Netflix streaming non-stop.  I'm now  on Season 4!

A couple of thoughts from the show:

1) I love Tony + Michelle. <3  Keep making that magic happen please.

2) Kiefer Sutherland is not Jack Bauer, and I'm kind of in love with Jack, which is confusing because it kind of makes me in love with Kiefer.  But I think if I ever met Kiefer in person I would be sorely disappointed because he isn't Jack.  I bet I'm not the only woman who feels this way either.  That must be one tough burden for Kiefer to carry.

Any other 24 fans out there?  If not, what good TV are you watching these days to get your mind off of TTC?