Thinking Ahead

I reached out to my RE today to see what his thoughts are on a natural IUI.  My Chinese medicine doctor (Dr. S) advised me to go down this route, even right away if I wanted.  He said there was no reason to wait.

This was sort of encouraging to hear.  Our plan has always been to pursue IUI once my health was in good shape according to Dr. S.  However, one of the things he did emphasize was the fact that the IUI be natural -- no ovulation induction drugs like Clomid.  He feels like this is very damaging to the body's health.

My next question to Dr. S was -- well, my periods are irregular, so how would we be able to time the IUI without the drugs?  He said was that the trigger shot is ok to do, and a small pay-off to help the sperm get to where they need to be.  One of the things he speculated was that perhaps since my husband has been working very hard and been very stressed out as of late, that his sperm might be having a hard time getting where they need to go.  So IUI might help us.

By the way, my irregular/long cycles are one of the things we're working on together.  I'm hoping to get my periods to a beautiful 28-29 day cycle.  Right now, they're on the long side, between an average of 33 to 39 days.  I've been taking Chinese herbs for about two cycles.  My first cycle was 36 days long (typical for me).  My second and most recent cycle was 30 days long, which is quite a miracle for me.  I am hopeful that the next few cycles will keep trending towards 28-30 days.

It's funny how before I was TTC, I loved my long cycles because it meant I dealt with my period less, and now they can't come frequently enough!

That's the latest scoop.  I am thinking that if we're not pregnant by May/June, we will pursue natural IUI at this point.  My husband has a huge project he's finishing in March (hopefully), and then we'll have a month or two after that to recover and maybe try to get pregnant on our own.  Also, by that time, I'll hopefully be much healthier according to Dr. S.  And then any IUI we tried would only have that much more of a chance of being successful.

So while we aren't pregnant yet, it does feel good to have a plan in place.  I guess that's all I can ask for for now.

Sorry It's Been So Freaking Long

I've been struggling to post, as you can tell.  No, it's not that I'm pregnant and have abandoned this blog in my euphoria (I wish).  Just not much to talk about.

Oh, except that my husband's sperm is now off the charts!  Take a look at the stats to your right.  He had his varicocelectomy last March, and nearly a year later, his urologist has declared him in the normal/average range of sperm count!  It has truly been God's blessing that he went from 6 million per cc to 72 million per cc, from 20% motility to 75% motility.  His doctor and our RE have both said that they've hardly ever seen improvement this good.

So while I don't want to downplay that, the other end of the spectrum is...we're still not pregnant.

It's hard for me to process the dichotomy between my husband's good news and our lack of baby.  It makes me wonder -- what's wrong with us?

It could be that nothing is wrong.  Even "normal" couples have a 10% - 15% chance of getting pregnant each cycle at our age.

But according to my doctor of Chinese medicine (who is actually a white Jewish man, funny enough), he believes that there is something wrong me.

So let me get you caught up here.  I've been seeing this doc for about two months now, taking herbs daily, no acupuncture (according to him, herbs are 90% of the treatment and acupuncture 10%).  After checking my pulse and tongue, he has declared me deficient in the Ying state of things.  Some of my symptoms are that I'm always tired and cold, my heartbeat is faint and erratic, and my tongue doesn't look healthy.  He believes that the herbs will help bring up my overall health which will help me to get pregnant.

I am a mix of skeptic and believer.  I will say that since I've been taking the herbs, I've felt 10 times more energetic than normal.  I also don't feel so cold all the time.  I didn't realize that my state of being before wasn't normal because I'd lived with it for so long.  It has been amazing to feel better overall, and even if I don't get pregnant from the herbs, I'm just thankful for how they have boosted my overall sense of well being.

So that's where we are, my friends.  Generally speaking, I will say that I've been feeling more positive than I was this time last year.  I just have this feeling that deep down, this journey is coming to an end for me soon.  I'm closing out Year 2 of infertility in another month, and if you look at the other infertiles I've been following, the general window of trying is about 3 years before they succeed.

I can't help but feel that this year is going to be my year.  I pray it for myself and for you too, my fellow infertiles.

Random Thoughts

I'm not sure if I ovulated this cycle because I was battling a virus at that time.  Kind of thinking I didn't.  Oh well, not that our chances were very good anyway.

Next Tuesday, my husband goes in for his 2nd S/A since his varicoceles repair.  I haven't thought about it too much to be frank.  Just trying to keep myself occupied otherwise, I guess.  I don't want to have to deal with the worry.  Don't want to have to worry about our next steps.

I am breaking out like crazy.  It's pretty annoying.  My face thinks I am still a teenager. :(

I had a clarity moment tonight where I just told God in my heart that I would trust his timing.  I feel like I can do that at least for today.  I don't what I'll feel like tomorrow, but I think I can at least manage that today.  And it's all about one day at a time, isn't it?

P.S. I finished Season 6 of 24.  I'm pretty burnt out on that show right now.  Going to take a break!

Did I Miss It??

Ovulation time always makes me a little neurotic under normal circumstances.

I'm doing some combination of OPK's, checking my BBT, feeling up my boobs (the nipples get sore around ovulation), checking CM.  All while trying to remain very casual because -- you know -- I'll get pregnant the moment I just relax.


I went to the doctor today because I've had some bug that I just can't shake.  My doctor thinks it's viral, and that I just need some R&R.  So that means I have no idea what that will do to my ovulation timetable. And this is making me a little crazy because my husband is leaving for a business trip this coming Sunday, and I don't want to miss our window this month!  Then again, what if I already ovulated and I just don't know it because of this stupid bug?!

Seriously, I need some help calming down the crazy bubbling up inside.  I just try to remind myself that it hasn't been working for months.  If I miss another month, what's the difference?

What do you do to stay calm while you're waiting to ovulate?

Waiting Around

I am supposed to be ovulating in the next day or two, but it looks like I'll be delayed this cycle.  I've become a pro at monitoring CM, so I'm pretty good at figuring out when I'll be ovulating.  I hope this doesn't turn into one of those 38, 39 day cycles.  Those are the worst because I don't end up ovulating until day 24 or 25.

Ugh.

Whenever I get stressed, that's what happens.  I ovulate super late.  The only thing I have to be stressed about this month is my husband's upcoming 6-month checkup post his varicocelectomy.  And although I don't think I'm stressed out about it, I may subconsciously be.

Oh, and I have been sick lately.  Caught a minor head cold.  I've been on the mend, but I've been coughing like crazy.  Doesn't being sick delay your ovulation?

Wish I Had More to Write About

...but I don't.

Ovulation time is right around the corner, and I couldn't be less enthused.  I'm not being dramatically pessimistic.  I'm just over it.  Getting my hopes up, waiting and waiting, and then being disappointed.  Don't have the energy for it.  Don't have the capacity or the patience for the roller coaster.

Plus, kind of upset that I've been breaking out a lot around my jawline.  That's usually a hormone driven thing, but I am entering my ovulation period, and that usually means my skin starts clearing up.  Don't know what's happening, and that could explain why I'm a bit bummed out right now.

As Lauren from the RHONJ said, "when you don't look good, you don't feel good."  Spot on, sister.

Speaking of TV, I've been unable to keep up.  I've got 90210 (LOVE), the Vampire Diaries and Glee airing now, all of which I've started falling behind on.  Plus, the last season of Brothers & Sisters and three more seasons of 24 available on Netflix instant streaming.  Season 5 of Dexter and Season 3 of Sons of Anarchy await me on Netflix disks.  Dying to get into Breaking Bad which was just added to Netflix instant streaming.  Free episodes of Real Housewives of, well, everywhere on Hulu.

And this, from a girl who does NOT have cable TV anymore to supposedly cut down on wasting time so that I can write my great American novel.

Help!  I'm getting sucked into a syndicated vortex!

You gotta tell me what shows you're addicted to, especially any of the ones above on my list. :)

P.S. You notice that of my list above, 90210, Glee, and Brothers & Sisters have all dealt with infertility?  Hot topic!

Accomplishments

Ran a 5k today.  My first official race ever.  It was great.  I felt like I was going to barf at the end, but it felt good to finish something.  I did it under 31 minutes too, which isn't so bad.

The Chinese herbs I drank yesterday seemed to have made my flow stronger than usual.  Not sure if I'm just imagining it.  Maybe it's cleaning out my old uterine lining really, really well.  You know, cleaning the slate, out with the old, in with the new, that kind of thing.  I don't know if that helps with fertility, but I'll just believe that it does. :)