Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Sorry It's Been So Freaking Long

I've been struggling to post, as you can tell.  No, it's not that I'm pregnant and have abandoned this blog in my euphoria (I wish).  Just not much to talk about.

Oh, except that my husband's sperm is now off the charts!  Take a look at the stats to your right.  He had his varicocelectomy last March, and nearly a year later, his urologist has declared him in the normal/average range of sperm count!  It has truly been God's blessing that he went from 6 million per cc to 72 million per cc, from 20% motility to 75% motility.  His doctor and our RE have both said that they've hardly ever seen improvement this good.

So while I don't want to downplay that, the other end of the spectrum is...we're still not pregnant.

It's hard for me to process the dichotomy between my husband's good news and our lack of baby.  It makes me wonder -- what's wrong with us?

It could be that nothing is wrong.  Even "normal" couples have a 10% - 15% chance of getting pregnant each cycle at our age.

But according to my doctor of Chinese medicine (who is actually a white Jewish man, funny enough), he believes that there is something wrong me.

So let me get you caught up here.  I've been seeing this doc for about two months now, taking herbs daily, no acupuncture (according to him, herbs are 90% of the treatment and acupuncture 10%).  After checking my pulse and tongue, he has declared me deficient in the Ying state of things.  Some of my symptoms are that I'm always tired and cold, my heartbeat is faint and erratic, and my tongue doesn't look healthy.  He believes that the herbs will help bring up my overall health which will help me to get pregnant.

I am a mix of skeptic and believer.  I will say that since I've been taking the herbs, I've felt 10 times more energetic than normal.  I also don't feel so cold all the time.  I didn't realize that my state of being before wasn't normal because I'd lived with it for so long.  It has been amazing to feel better overall, and even if I don't get pregnant from the herbs, I'm just thankful for how they have boosted my overall sense of well being.

So that's where we are, my friends.  Generally speaking, I will say that I've been feeling more positive than I was this time last year.  I just have this feeling that deep down, this journey is coming to an end for me soon.  I'm closing out Year 2 of infertility in another month, and if you look at the other infertiles I've been following, the general window of trying is about 3 years before they succeed.

I can't help but feel that this year is going to be my year.  I pray it for myself and for you too, my fellow infertiles.