In the past few weeks, I feel like God has been opening my heart to adoption.
Let's just back up and appreciate that statement for what it is. Because the three-years-ago me would have been aghast at that statement. The before-infertility-existed me would never ever have considered adoption in a million years. But lo and behold, the game has changed drastically for DH and me this past year, and suddenly IV-wuh? me can teach a Harvard Medical class on reproductive cycles and ovulation.
When we first learned that we were dealing with infertility, my first thought was, "how do I do Clomid/IUI/IVF and how much is that going to cost?" Adoption still wasn't a consideration. But now as I follow along over the blogosphere with the fertility treatments that so many of you women are going through, I am realizing that these treatments don't guarantee a baby. Not by a long stretch. They're hard on the body, hard on the wallet and, most of all, hard on the heart. I've been forced to ask myself, is this really something I want to go through?
The New York Times had a 2008 audio series on infertility that surfaced when I was browsing around the internet a few months ago. It's actually a phenomenally moving series, and totally worth a listen. I think so many of us will relate to the emotions and the experiences. One of the women interviewed had been through a series of unsuccessful infertility treatments, including IUI and IVF. She said something that really stuck with me, "I didn't want to force my body to try and do something that it wasn't interested in doing." This really made me pause and think. I haven't been through any treatments yet. I don't know what it's like, but having read a number of your accounts, I can see that it's extremely taxing and nerve-wracking. Is this really something I want to do?
How we each respond to infertility is so personal. For some, adoption is just not right. On the flip side, neither is IVF for some. I'm not saying that I'm ready to bypass ART in favor of adoption. I'm not saying adoption is easier than infertility treatments, or more foolproof (we've all heard of adoptions that tragically fall through at the last minute). But in some senses, I can see how adoption could be easier. Because for a lot of people, adoption is seen as a last resort. And if we were able to make peace that adoption was right for us, then I feel like we could stop worrying about the next step because it would be the end of the line for us.
For me, I feel like God is using our infertility to nudge open the door of adoption for us. He's not pushing us through it. He's just propping it open with his foot. So I'm just taking a peak inside. Just a little one.
I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on adoption. And for further reading, and what got me thinking about adoption some more, check out Hillary's blog, Making Me Mom. She's written a couple of blog posts on adoption -- Part I and Part II.
Oh, wow, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. I guess I missed it when you originally posted it. I feel so similar to you! Adoption has NEVER been something I'd consider, but now...it seems to be something I feel a nudge to consider. Not that it's my next step, but perhaps, like you said, God has brought infertility in my life to open my eyes up to adoption. Because, obviously, if I was a fertile Myrtle, adoption would never be something I'd consider. I think that's so awesome of you to open your eyes to it. Fertility treatment is so devastatingly difficult on mind, soul, heart, body, wallets...everything! But, it does say something that so many women are willing to do that to themselves time and time again. But, there are also women that adopt. And all moms that end up adopting seem to have absolutely no regret in their decision...and that also says something, right? :)
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