I have never been pregnant before.
The good news is that I have never miscarried.
The bad news is that I have never been pregnant.
I'm sad that I may never know what it's like to be pregnant.
I'm sad that I may never see a double line on a pregnancy test.
I'm sad that I might always see "Not Pregnant" on a pregnancy test.
I'm sad that my best friend may never get to throw a baby shower for me.
I'm sad that I may never make our parents grandparents,
That I may never make my husband a father,
That I may never get to be a mother.
I'm sad that I may never get to buy a onesie or a bib except for someone else.
I'm sad that I may never experience all of those awful pregnancy symptoms pregnant women keep complaining about.
I'm sad that I may never get to complain about them too.
I'm sad that something that should be free and easy, will probably be expensive and difficult for us.
I'm sad that instead of "when we have kids," I now say "if we have kids."
I'm sad that when I go in for ultrasounds, I never get to take home a print-out.
There's no point when there's nothing there.
I'm sad that conception for us will probably take place in a petri dish instead of inside me.
I'm sad that I may never get to say those two little magical words, "I'm pregnant."
I am so sorry Christine. It's all very frightening right now, not knowing the outcome or seeing the happy ending. It's a really tough place to be, I know. I am sorry it has to be so hard on our tender hearts. I'll be praying for you...there's nothing I want more than to watch your dreams unfold ....xoxoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard road, and it is ok to be sad. I've felt similar feelings, as I'm sure many women going through infertility have. You are not alone. Please know that you have other women wandering down this uncertain path with you. Although we can't make it all go away, perhaps we can make it a little easier to face.
ReplyDeleteOh girl I've cried over this time and time again...hopefully one day will be ours to do all that though!
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