Just got a bill for $883 for my HSG. I was shocked. I guess it was my own stupid fault for not doing more research. I just thought that the test was covered.
I called the insurance carrier to ask, and they confirmed this. The HSG is covered...after the $1,000 deductible. I started crying on the phone after the agent told me this, and she was very apologetic. It's not her fault, but still...I have to go through infertility AND this?
Shortly after the call to the insurance company, I had to call a friend from church to remind her of something. She just announced she is pregnant with #2, so I was congratulating her on that. She was telling me how great she feels and how much she loves being pregnant. She also told me that our other friend at church who is also pregnant with #2 just found out that they are having a boy, which is what they had been hoping for.
How is it that everyone else's lives seem to be going swimmingly and ours just feel like they're falling apart at the seams?
I know God has a plan for me in all of this, but I'm having a hard time finding peace with this. We all have our difficulties in life, and God gives us different paths, but I just can't help wondering why my path has to be so particularly rocky right now. I think it's times like these that God tests our faith and endurance. If that's true, I can't help but feel like I am failing miserably. I am not finding much joy or peace in this test. I do feel some acceptance, but it's mostly a numb acceptance, like I'm just waiting for it to all be over.
I pray that God would help me find joy amidst the trial, that he would remind me of his everlasting love and goodness. I don't have the strength to get through this, but I know that He will be my strength in this time of weakness and helplessness.
I am so very Christina. There's nothing like being kicked when your already down. You are absolutely right though, the Lord will carry us through this. He will not but a desire in our heart that he won't help us bring to pass.
ReplyDeleteI logged onto FB today and there were tow posts in a row, one from my pregnant friend posting her ultrasound, and another pregnant friend complaining she can't take ibuprofren. Why does it have to be right up in our faces?!
We will get through this, with His Grace.
I agree, it is so hard to find joy in midst of the struggle. I have found that reminding myself of the blessing I do have, despite the one I don't, makes this life a little easier to keep living.
ReplyDeleteI wish it didn't have to be so hard. Thinking of you, Christina.