I have been keeping myself busy since the hubby went away yesterday. Today I ovulated, and I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that this is probably another month that will go by without a baby. Surprisingly, I'm holding up pretty well...neither too foolishly hopeful that maybe this will be the month, nor too down in the dumps that we're probably not pregnant. It's a good thing. I feel like I might be getting back to the way I used to be -- before babies absolutely consumed my thoughts and desires.
Maybe this conception thing will just take a while, and I should settle in for the ride. Maybe we don't have any problems, per se. Maybe our time will come later than some others.
I know these are fairly simple revelations, but to me, I'm making huge strides by being ok with these statements.
Not to say that I'm not preparing myself for the worst. Tonight I went to the library and picked up some infertility titles:
- A Little Pregnant: Our Memoir of Fertility, Infertility, and a Marriage by Linda Carbone and Ed Decker
- A Few Good Eggs: Two Chicks Dish on Overcoming the Insanity of Infertility by Julie Vargo and Maureen Regan
- What To Do When You Can't Get Pregnant: The Complete Guide to All the Technologies for Couples Facing Fertility Problems by Daniel A. Potter, MD, and Jennifer S. Hanin, MA
Has anyone read any of these books? Any thoughts on any of these? I have been devouring books on this subject ever since it became a potential issue. No one in my real life talks openly about infertility, so to have these books to read have been invaluable to me, emotionally. I feel like I am able to forge a true connection with someone out there who has experienced some of the same emotions I've been experiencing the past six months -- the panic, the disbelief, the despair, the grief.
Overall, I am thankful for this more positive outlook these past couple of weeks. I am learning to lean on God's grace, and am thankful for His provision in my life. I'm going to sign off this post with one of my all-time favorite verses.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
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